I don’t want to return but I must
It is not something i want for myself
But something the fates require of me
Do I believe in the fates?
It’s a funny question but probably one
That has been asked across the span of centuries
And will continue to be asked
I do and I don’t
I want to but I can’t
Mother has taught me better
There’s a lot of packing I would have to do
And I don’t know if I can afford to carry my own burdens anymore
What if I just don’t want to
I’ve heard the sea is quite nice this time of the year
Away from the heat and cold
I’ll find a nice hotel, or a cave perhaps
I’d walk the beaches and find seashells and plastic
And I’ll think about how my life isn’t any different
From the way everything, at some point, washes ashore
I want to be carried by you to bed
Like mother once did when I was a child
But she doesn’t have the strength to lift me anymore
Oh wait. Neither do you.
Always wanted to try pottery
The idea of creating something solid yet fragile
Something that takes time to shape and polish but breaks within seconds, something that’s beautiful but prone to slightest of turbulences
Your words are the same, are they not?
Words? My words?
How can my words be solid yet fragile? They have to have some force to them, some decibels, and all I have left are whispers.
How can my words be the same if they don’t matter?
You’re confusing words with your voice.
I am? I am
Never really understood the difference between my voice and my words
Isn’t my voice just my words given life?
Your voice shapes your words, same goes the other way. A misalignment can cause both to turn ugly, and you, my darling, are beautiful.
That’s nice of you to say
But do you mean it?
Or are you saying it just so I don’t go to bed sad once more?
And then I would depart the land of the beaches
Maybe try finding solace in the mountains
Maybe the howling winds are more equipped to silence my thoughts than the gentle winds ever were
Living in that white landscape would be so serene
Nothing to worry about, just me and my prayers that I make to myself and everyone and no one
Just me and my thoughts
And one day there’d be a knock on the door
And I’d see your face
And I’d run
Run and run and run and run and run
I’d keep running till I’m at the edge of a cliff
And I’d threaten you not to step closer
I’d threaten to throw myself off
But you’d know how well I hide my empty threats
You’d know that’s all they are
Empty threats and some words
Just some words that don’t really matter
Can I ever find peace?
I can give you peace
I tried your peace, remember?
Didn’t exactly work for me
I’d rather die in the silence after buried under snow than in your “gentle” embrace
Ouch, don’t lose control over your words now, say only what you mean
But that’s all I ever did?
All I ever did was say what I meant
And I just can’t anymore
Come. come with me. I’ll keep you safe.
I’m tired
I’m so tired
I don’t have the strength
Come back with me. Come back to me.
I don’t want to return but I must
It is not something i want for myself
But something the fates require of me
